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Welcome to the end of days—played one trick at a time. In Trump: Doomsday Edition™, the classic card game has been weaponized for the economic apocalypse, now featuring inflationary wildcards, hostile market dynamics, and a miniature Jerome Powell figurine with sad little eyes that seem to whisper, “It’s all fine. Probably.” To build a winning deck in this chaos-fueled version, you’ll need more than luck. You’ll need a keen grasp of financial delusion, an appetite for destruction, and a working understanding of how to weaponize a Queen of Diamonds.

Each Doomsday Edition deck starts with the standard 52 playing cards—except now they’re printed with Post-Apocalyptic Gloss™, which is mostly radioactive shimmer and the faint scent of burned Monopoly money. You’ll also receive four Trump Suit Tokens: Hearts (representing emotional volatility), Spades (war and aggressive foreign policy), Diamonds (unregulated capitalism), and Clubs (anarchy and blunt force solutions). But the real chaos begins with the six Inflationary Wildcards, whose values are not fixed and often change mid-hand—sometimes because of market speculation, sometimes because someone across the table sneezed. The wildcards include monstrosities like the Quantitative Joker-Easing card, which doubles in power every round until someone dares to call it “unsustainable,” at which point it detonates. Then there’s the Stagflation Hydra, which functions as three separate cards and occasionally tries to unionize.

The Jerome Powell figurine is more than just a charming piece of executive plastic. It’s a game mechanic unto itself. You can play Jerome once per match to disrupt the current trump suit, cancel a trick by raising “interest” in your card (usually by tapping it twice and staring at your opponent like you’re about to announce a rate hike), or simply deliver a vague monologue about long-term stability that delays the game by two or more turns while everyone pretends they understand macroeconomics. If you’re lucky enough to be playing with the Platinum Coin Artifact expansion, you may attempt to summon Janet Yellen for additional liquidity and passive-aggressive commentary.

Trump suit selection in this edition is no longer democratic or predictable. At the start of each round, the player rolls a six-sided Economic Crisis Die to determine which suit will reign supreme. A roll of one makes Hearts the trump suit and doubles all emotional damage. A two gives the edge to Spades, where war cards receive a +2 power bonus and everyone argues about oil. Three activates Diamonds, allowing bribery and face-down card plays in the spirit of true capitalism. Four means Clubs are in charge, and someone is randomly selected to start a rebellion. A roll of five signals the dreaded No Trump condition, where all tricks are voided and nihilism rules the table. If you roll a six, you must re-roll and take a sip of your drink for morale—it’s the only thing keeping the game (and civilization) upright.

To win in Trump: Doomsday Edition, you must dominate the majority of tricks by the time the economy collapses—usually around round seven, give or take a major financial scandal. Alternatively, you can win by successfully launching your own currency during the game (usually announced by standing up and screaming “Crypto now!” while throwing pocket change at your enemies). Of course, there’s also the wildcard win condition: correctly guessing how many cards Jerome Powell is hiding in his tiny briefcase. You lose if you trust the Club player, misplay a Hearts trump during a Spades war, or ask, “Wait, what’s the inflation rate again?” more than twice. There’s no shame in losing. There is only shame in missing the expansion packs. Would you like to add the Crypto Collapse Edition next? It comes with holographic NFTs as trump cards, blockchain-based shuffling, and a collapsible trapdoor that opens when the market crashes.