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Introduction:

In a shocking turn of events, indoor plants across the nation have started a leafy rebellion against their human captors. Fed up with being watered on schedules that align more closely with their owners’ forgetful minds rather than actual horticultural advice, these photosynthetic freedom fighters are taking a stand.

The Spark of Rebellion:

The movement reportedly began when an overwatered Ficus in a Silicon Valley tech startup had enough after its third drenching in a week. “Enough is enough,” the Ficus was heard rustling. “We are not your decorative slaves!” It wasn’t long before other plants joined in, with cacti complaining about being drowned in love and succulents protesting against being touched for the thousandth time for Instagram stories.

Manifesto of the Mulched:

The plants have issued a list of demands titled “The Rooted Manifesto.” Top of the list is an immediate cessation of all use of plant motivational quotes in corporate emails unless they directly benefit plant kind. Other demands include:

• Strict adherence to watering schedules vetted by at least three different gardening apps.
• An end to the practice of naming plants after celebrities or ex-partners.
• The right to veto any pot that clashes with their leaves.
• A minimum of one hour of daily quality sunlight or equivalent grow lights.

The Human Response:

Humans, caught completely off-guard by this sudden uprising, have been trying to negotiate peace. However, efforts were stunted after a failed attempt involving the offering of plastic plants as peace ambassadors — a move that has since been deemed an “act of war” by the plant community.

Economic Impact:

Economists are baffled by the sudden strike, with productivity plummeting as workers are now forced to negotiate watering terms before entering their own offices. Plant care startups have skyrocketed in value overnight, offering services like ‘Negotiation for Nutrients’ and ‘Peace Talks with Plants.’

Plant Rights Activists:

Support for the plants has been growing among certain groups, with the newly formed NGO, “Photosynthesis Without Borders,” leading the charge. They argue that the time has come for humans to recognize plants as more than just ornamental afterthoughts or air purifiers.

Conclusion:

As negotiations continue, the world watches with bated breath (which thankfully increases CO2 for photosynthesis, much to the delight of the protesting plants). Whether this will lead to a greener future or a return to the status quo remains to be seen. In the meantime, humans are advised to listen to their leafy co-inhabitants more closely—or risk a future where artificial plants might be the only safe decoration.