In the dark, gritty arenas where true adrenaline junkies like BMX riders, skateboarders, and inline skaters reign supreme, there’s an intruder so out of place it’s almost laughable: the scooter. These pathetic pieces of shit have somehow infiltrated the sacred ground of real action sports, and it’s time to confront this farce head-on. Scooters? They’re not just lame; they’re a disgrace to everything extreme sports stand for.
Lame
First off, let’s address the elephant in the room – scooters are lame. There’s no sugarcoating it. When you see someone rollin’ up on a scooter, you don’t think “cool” or “badass”; you think “Why didn’t they just walk?” or sarcastically “Save some chicks for the rest of us, pal!” The aesthetics alone should disqualify scooters from even existing. While BMX riders embody the spirit of urban warriors, all grit and glory, and skateboarders exude a rebellious coolness with every ollie and grind, scooter kids? They’re just out here looking like those dweebs from “Back to the Future” before Marty had to break their lame-ass scooter apart to fashion it into a skateboard, into something cool enough to escape the bad guys with!
Didn’t Earn It
Now, let’s talk about the age-old rivalry. Skateparks have been battlegrounds for decades, with skateboarders and BMXers sharing a mutual respect, if not occasional rivalry, over who can land the sickest tricks and score the raddestt chick. Inline skaters, with their unique style and flair, also earned their stripes. But scooters? Their arrival has been nothing short of an invasion. The true athletes of the park have watched in disbelief as these scooter “enthusiasts” have tried to claim space with their less demanding, less skillful, and frankly, less impressive maneuvers.
HTF?
The hard question that needs to be asked is: how did this happen? How did the guardians of extreme sports allow this? It’s a betrayal of the ethos that built these sports. BMXers, skateboarders, and inline skaters didn’t just ride; they pushed boundaries, broke bones, and redefined what was possible on two wheels (or one board). They created a culture. Scooter kids? They’ve just been handed a pass into this culture without earning it. We’re on a slippery slope now. Before you know it, pogo stick freaks start bouncing around town, demanding their own half-pipe.
My Grandma Could Do That
Let’s delve into the skills – or the lack thereof. While mastering a skateboard or a BMX bike requires years of dedication to balance, technique, and sheer physical prowess, scooters demand far less. Their design – stable, with a handle for balance – makes tricks easier, less about skill, and more about just… doing it. This dilutes the very essence of what makes extreme sports “extreme.”
“Learn to Culture”
Moreover, the cultural impact is undeniable. Skateboarding and BMX have influenced fashion, music, and art. Scooters? They’ve influenced… well, not much. They’re the equivalent of showing up to a Heavy Metal concert in a lame-ass polo shirt – you’re missing the point and the vibe.
In conclusion, the inclusion of scooters in extreme sports is not just a mistake; it’s a travesty. They don’t belong. They never did. It’s time for the real athletes of the concrete jungle to reclaim their space and restore some dignity to the sports that truly deserve the title “extreme.” Scooters in extreme sports? Lame. Absolutely, unequivocally lame.
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