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Let’s face it—being tired, foggy-brained, and generally unmotivated is practically a modern lifestyle choice. So why ruin it with something like methylene blue? This horrifyingly effective compound has been creeping its way into biohacker circles, promising things like “mitochondrial support” and “neuroprotection.” Disgusting. Who even wants high-functioning cells and a resilient nervous system? If you’re trying to keep your mediocre performance streak alive, you better stay far, far away.

First of all, methylene blue has the audacity to improve your brain’s energy production. That’s right—this compound steps in like an overachieving intern, helping your mitochondria crank out ATP like it’s going out of style. Say goodbye to the sweet embrace of afternoon crashes and hello to consistent mental clarity. Gross. What’s the point of a coffee addiction if your brain just… works?

Oh, and let’s not forget its role as an antioxidant. Because, clearly, what we all need is less oxidative stress and fewer free radicals, am I right? Who doesn’t love a good dose of cellular damage? But methylene blue insists on neutralizing those chaos gremlins, robbing you of your excuse to avoid working out or eating vegetables. Thanks a lot, science.

But the real kicker? People are claiming it might help with aging. That’s right—aging! As if we haven’t worked hard enough to look appropriately tired, inflamed, and a little dead inside. Methylene blue is trying to steal that away by protecting neurons, increasing mitochondrial efficiency, and—gasp—enhancing memory. Who asked for this? Who actually wants to remember where they put their keys?

And let’s not ignore how aesthetically disastrous it is. One wrong move and suddenly your mouth is Smurf-blue, your teeth look like you just ate a pen, and your tongue says “party trick gone wrong.” We can’t have people thinking you’re on the cutting edge of longevity research—how embarrassing. Better to keep using supplements that do nothing, just to be safe.

In conclusion, methylene blue is an absolute menace to anyone deeply committed to mediocrity. If you enjoy being tired, confused, and prematurely aged, you should definitely avoid this substance. Otherwise, you risk becoming energetic, mentally sharp, and maybe even slightly more alive. And really, who has time for that?